skyesnooze
I've been isolated and uncommunitive with just about everybody including bipolars and related support that comes from sharing with those walk the walk of this damned illness. What a sense of overall futility! And yes, my Pdoc has me on meds, and I'm in therapy once a week. Still have suicide ideation, and if not for intensely loving my three sons (22,12,10), I certainly would consider my life options more closely. Alas! I may not opt out, and therefore continue to muddle and struggle my way through the ups and downs, the extreme irritabilies, the passions that never come to fruition, ad naseauam. I'm a smart woman, health conscious, attractive, 5'7" and of normal weight, and still have my figure (although gravity pulls : - )) relentlentlessy. My marriage is all but dead; I expect my husband will file for divorce quite soon, and that's all right with me. Financially, of course, we'll struggle, as after 10 years of teaching in public schools, I simply cannot anymore. And I do mean cannot. Hell, what's a person to do? I'll also sorely miss the financial support my husband has provided, although we're in a struggle with the economy, as many are. I am so angry at this disease that is unrelenting and beats me down time and again. I get great ideas, and then my energy to do anything at all settles like a heavy rain soaked cloud. But who cares, as when the sun appears, I complain half the time that the brightness hurts my eyes! Can't win for losin'. I used to go to chat rooms, but it seemed that the on-going relationships were so tightly forged, there was no meaningful entry for discussion, friendship, or potential support. It was superficial and (for me)disappointing, but, oh well. I'll quit my whining. Hope that all of you fellow BPs are doing okay. I know, "okay" is relative to just what, exactly? Yup. That's all, folks. Write if I've struck a cord and you've an interest in an occasional email. I really don't want long-winded chronicles (I've been there before, and it just doesn't work for me.) Please be smart enough to bounce ideas off of, and perhaps come up with some outrageous of off-the-wall reflections or revelations. Okay. I did already say "finished." skye